Admitting we need help
It is really easy for me to give other people the advice to ‘let your friends help, they want to and there are only so many things they can do, so let them’. It is much more difficult for me to heed that advice. My amazing mom and fabulous father have taken the brunt of taking care of the kids and helping with meals and things like that. I finally convinced my mom that she needs to take care of herself too, pair that with a friend telling me about a fabulous website called Lotsahelpinghands (thanks for the recommendation Eleanor) and we have a user friendly calendar that lets me and my mom add things we need help with and lets friends sign up to help.
Admittedly this is a huge blow to my ego and required swallowing some pride. I know it seems obvious, but it is really tough to admit that you are having problems doing the things that you have always done, or that you perceive as being expected of you. I think it took some courage for my mom too, she has been so involved in making meals and watching the kids and coming over and helping me out that I think she was a little hesitant to give up some of that responsibility. The nice thing about this set up is that if Mom has the ability to add things to the calendar then she can also ‘have dibs’ on the things she wants to do and can work with her schedule, giving her time to do other things and know that the kids and I are taken care of.
I broke down and got a handicapped tag for the car too. I cried when I asked. Again, it feels like admitting weakness and it is admitting that I am physically not as strong as I want to be and that chemo is taking a toll. I can’t wear my heels, I can’t even wear flip flops, thanks to the neuropathy in my right foot. I can still flex my left foot as much as I ever could but that right foot is just not cooperating. I know I am ‘lucky’ on some level, I don’t have it in my hands and so many others have so much more problem with it but it doesn’t make it less aggravating.
Keeping things for ourselves
This past weekend was Summerfair, a local fine arts and craft show that I am involved with organizing. I am fortunate to have so many friends there who basically parked my butt in golf cart and made sure I drove or was driven around the entire time. I am blessed to have them. I did have a conversation or two this weekend with people asking “Why do you keep doing this?” What am I supposed to do, sit at home and do nothing. I’m not dead. I’m not dying. I am tired. I am fighting. I am going to win. Summerfair is something I do for me, not my kids, not my husband, not anyone else. I have been involved for a long time. Yes, my role is big and I’m tired this week but I love Summerfair. I enjoy dealing with the artists (even the ones who make me crazy), I enjoy seeing the items they have and learning about how they do the things they do. I love seeing the crowds walking through the show and knowing that I helped bring it all together. Yes. I have canser but it isn’t going to run my life.
Love the new look Ashley! And good for you for not leading with pride. I had trouble accepting help too, but I realized (with Anne’s help) that was a lesson I needed to learn. ((hugs))